This week has been difficult in the Turner house. Matt was very ill Tuesday and Wednesday I (Kalli) went back to work after almost a month off.
My month off was all about moving, packing, and unpacking. Needless to say, very little FUN happened. As I prepared to return to work I began feeling like I had somehow let Emma down by my time off being all business. I felt like I had been so exhausted from the move that I went to bed early instead of spending time with Matt. I felt like I hadn't given myself anything I needed either. In short, I felt like a FAILURE!
In the classroom I know what I am doing. I'm good at my job! At home, I feel like I am constantly letting those who should be at the top of my priority list down.
As the week went on this feeling grew. Emma is the ONLY girl in her class that isn't fully potty trained. She is beginning to get very clingy with me. She screams when I leave her at bed or nap time. She has always been an amazing sleeper, so this is very new for me. Emma has also begun acting like a terrible two with her tantrums and screams. All of this compounded my feelings of failure.
Being a working mom is tough. (and I get WAY more time home with my daughter than most working moms) I give all 110% at work and have very little left in the tank when I get home. Then the new struggles with Emma drain what little I have left, so when Matt gets home and I get dinner on the table I am spent.
With the new year I am trying to find a balance in my life. I need to feed (emotionally, spiritually, physically) my family and myself first. Out of my five top priorities in life work CAN'T (and shouldn't) be number one.
Being a stay at home mom was always my dream, but given the life we have chosen this isn't an option, and probably won't ever be.
All of you working moms out there... HELP! Suggestions for finding balance in my life... and maybe even a little time for myself would be wonderful!
THANKS FOR LETTING ME RANT!
Kalli, i know how you feel - I really do. When i finally do get home from work, i am tired, crabby and it's all i can do to get dinner on the table and try to interact with Presley sometimes counting the minutes until she goes to bed. Then i go down and look at her sleeping and cry, because this is not the way i want it to be...so i say to myself "i'll do better tomorrow" and sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. I don't have any tricks for ya - just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Emma is a sweet, smart and sensitive little girl - you guys are doing a WONDERFUL job!!!
ReplyDelete